i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she woke up with a sticky ear
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
