Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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