We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
