i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
