It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
