I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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