i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
