Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
