I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
