if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
