Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
