I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
