its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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