for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
