I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
