you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
