Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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