what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
