I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Screwed.edu
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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