Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
