I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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