Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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