he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
