I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
