can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
