I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
