Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
