I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
