I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
