i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
