Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
