I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
