I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the condom got lost in my hair
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
