I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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