i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
