I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
