just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
