So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
