Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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