Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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