so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
