Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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