you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
