Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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