She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
