Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
