you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
