yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
