worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
