Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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