Tell her she can't have a vagina
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
